Geometry Wars Retro Evolved (xBox 360)
The game came bundled with my new memory stick. Our xBox started freezing so I wanted to store my profile on the memory stick instead of the hard drive. (Must save my 350 achievement points!!)
I think I played a demo version of this game at one point. Anyway it was interesting enough for me to actually want to give it a shot, plus its pretty. ^_^
Geometry Wars Retro Evolved Review
Everyone starts off with a peashooter as a beginning weapon. It’s almost impossible to aim, especially as a new player (behold my lack of skills).
It seems backwards to me that the game starts you off with the most difficult weapon. Every weapon after that is far more useful and seems to shoot out ten times as many projectiles.
Why not start with one of those end weapons and then as you progress and are able to hone your skills the weapons give you less support? Now that would be a true challenge. Defeat the hard levels with the peashooter.
My Impressions
This game would be fabulous if I had the skills to play it.
Okay so I suck at playing this game, but its not just that, I can’t get better at it. I feel like a bird that keeps smashing into the same glass window trying to get somewhere.
They need to have a huge hawk silhouette on this game, preferably with the by line: “All those limited to one thumb stick, stay away!”
Shooting and moving are completely independent. That’s right, one thumb stick is for shooting and one is for moving. You can move up while shooting to the right, left, or any other direction you might want too.
This sounds like a fabulous idea, but it just makes the game twice as hard for me. Aiming where to shoot while trying to figure out what rout to take my ship on is a bit more thumb-thumb-eye coordination then I have. I blame the controller.
The first time I played I figured I would be terrible, new learning curve and all. I manage almost thirty minutes before giving up. My surrender was brought on by facts; I died and restarted a total of twenty times. The real kicker is that every time I restarted I was at zero points again. Of course I also had all my lives and ammunition back, but the points reset meant that I never once managed to make it to the next level.
I gave it a second shot a few days later thinking that must have just been a fluke. No fluke – I still sucked.
Strategy was the theme for my third attempt. I tried just staying in one corner of the playing field. That worked pretty well. Then I attempted to play it like old school Centipede, where I would just move the ship but always shoot in the same direction. This method worked the best, especially when dealing with the green square monsters.
Only once did I manage to achieve the next level in the game. That was using the Centipede method. I was so bewildered about the sudden burst of new graphic luminescence that I forgot to pay attention to my blob, I mean ship, and promptly died.
Then it was back to the beginning for me. That’s right I had to start all over. I haven’t made it back since and honestly I’m getting tired of trying to smash my way through that windowpane.
Review
Release date: Nov 22, 2005
Website: Geometry Wars Retro Evolved
Developer: http://www.bizarreonline.net/
Platform I played on: xBox 360
Game play
Imagine a square with a blob inside it. That blob is you. Wait, the blob is actually a geometric shape that represents your ship.
Lots of other geometric shapes fly at your ship trying to destroy you or they fly around aimlessly just waiting for you to smash into them. Either way it means you are down one life.
Everyone starts with three lives and three full-screen nukes. These clear all the monsters, sort of like an “oh shit” button.
Up to this point it sounds very much like a more developed version of asteroids. Now throw in two thumb sticks and see if you can fly, shoot, avoid, and aim all at the same time.
Side Note: we couldn’t figure out what to call those thumb stick things on the controller. My favorite was Controller Nipples. Sounds much better then thumb sticks.
World and Story
The world is a square. Pretty geometric colors and shapes represent bad space monster type things that will try to get you. Destroy these vile (yet symmetrical) attackers with your lasers of doom or just flee.
The story is the age-old tale of survival.
Graphics
The most beautiful math graphics I have seen in a while. Behold, fabulous programmer art! They are so marvelously scrumptious I want to top them with whipped cream and rub them all over my body.
Replay ability
Smash into that glass over and over and over and over and over…and over.
Multiplayer
Single player only.
Game finished
Pretty much. Its time for me to move onto a game that doesn’t put a glass window in-between me and having fun.
Things that bothered me
-I can’t progress
I freely admit that my double controller nipple skills are sorely lacking and really the game shouldn’t be faulted for that.
What I do get frustrated about is that I am seemingly not given the opportunity to improve my skills. The action is fairly overwhelming right away, leading to panic rather then honing how to coordinate flying and shooting.
Thus I can’t progress further into the game. I am perpetually stuck dying and restarting in the very first level.
The game should allow for weaker players to progress in some fashion or possibly have the first level be a little lower key to allow for some skill development.
Time played
I played four thirty-minute sessions.
Mood Progression
Last Thoughts
If only programmers that made great programmer art also made accessible games.
